Ten Reasons to say Yes to Nuclear Power

Unfounded fear, especially of invisible or uncontrollable nature, has always been the source of unpleasant phenomena. From witch-hunts to mad cow disease, from asteroid collision with Earth to radioactivity and nuclear power plants. We all tend to fear what we can’t control, even what will always kill us are the things in our control. We die in our bed, from hunger, smoking, killing each other. But that doesn’t really bother people living in relative safety. They worry about getting killed by radioactivity from nuclear power plant, which they won’t, but they will be killed by influenza.
As much as this nonproductive nonsense irritates me, and kills others (by hunger due to meat disposal resulting from fear of BSE, by witch-hunters, by being accused of heresy, and so on) there are humorous moments that come once in a decade or so. Today has been one of them. And so I have to post it.

The following are the contents of original Beyond Beyond Nuclear pamphlet, which is a parody of Beyond Nuclear pamphlet called Ten Reasons to Say No to Nuclear Power.

Hello. This is Beyond Beyond Nuclear (BBN). As the proud workers of BNN (who love apple pie and baseball and oppose child abuse) we loved the message about the evils of nuclear power made by our sister company Beyond Nuclear. However, we feel that it doesn’t say enough. We here at BNN feel that only if all evils of nuclear power are revealed will people finally write to their local congressman, saying NO to nuclear power, just like the people of Egypt said no to their authoritarian leader Mubarak. So without further ado, here are the significantly more detailed Ten reasons to say NO to nuclear power, written by BBN engineers.

Ten Reasons to say Yes to Nuclear Power

  1. Conservation is key and simply achieved. Start by turning off all your lights and unplugging all your electrical equipment and then researching (of wait… uhm… borrow a book from a library for research, yeah!) what different things are made of. We recommend leaving all your lights off and electronic devices unplugged.
  2. If every household would stop using all its electrical devices and lights, the national power consumption would go down by 22%, which would displace almost all US reactors.
  3. Not using heating, lighting, cooling and other electrical devices is the best way to save energy. It can reduce your electricity bill by up to 80%!
  4. 100% energy efficient devices (such as massless, frictionless pulleys and magic-based devices) are the cheapest way to reduce carbon emissions (assuming devices can be obtained for free through the use of magic tricks) and is at least 7 times more cost effective than burning your money for heat.
  5. Homeowners can choose to pay extra for a piece of paper that confirms that they somehow didn’t contribute to some very specific kind of pollution.
  6. Filling all US waters with wind turbines would provide more power than is consumed in US. Granted some method of safely transferring electricity through very conductive salty water needs to be found first, but we’ll just assume the costs of that are zero.
  7. Solar resources on just 1% of the US landmass are three times as large as all US wind energy potential. Assuming no nights, no clouds, no fog, no rain, no snow, no dust covering solar panels, 100% energy transfer efficiency, no need for maintenance and infinite lifetime of solar panels.
  8. Conversion of just 15% of US homes to parking lots would reduce the household power consumption by up to 15%! It would also boost the US economy.
  9. Financial support for green jobs provides more opportunities in the very specific fields directly supported (for the length of financial support only). This will lead to larger economy (provided your financial support is big enough to provide salaries that would have such an effect).
  10. The US can be both nuclear-free and carbon-free. Look at the time before discovery of fire for reference.

Printed on semi-recycled paper transported by human slaves.